National Be On-Purpose Month

January may be almost over, but it's not too late to celebrate the true meaning of this month - National Be On-Purpose Month, that is. I find this name unsettlingly vague - be what on purpose? How? And toward what purpose, exactly, are you supposed to be? By the time you're done answering all these questions, the time to be is no longer at hand, and you're left holding a customized laundry bag - a bag full of an assortment of your old, useless purposes, that is.

All existential doubt aside, National Be On-Purpose Month was (surprise!) founded by the CEO of a company called On-Purpose Partners, which publishes books and supplies life coaches and motivational speakers to help you, too, be on-purpose. They even have a social network for all the on-purpose entities to get together and be. Something about all of this smacks of subliminal messaging, but maybe that's just me...

Shameless self-promotion tip #1: Why waste your time with dinky little "holidays" when you can take over a whole month? In fact, get yourself a personalized calendar and take over the year, purposefully! Now get out there and be - and make sure you do it on purpose!!

Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day

Tired of being bombarded with bogus "diet tricks" ads on every website you visit? Does that ubiquitous "5 tips for a flat belly" sidebar on Facebook make you want to tear your hair out? Today, January 19th, is Rid the World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day - let's make this nonsense history!

Part of the observance of Healthy Weight Week, Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day focuses on the dangers of diet pills and supplements. Last year, the diet drug Hydroxycut was singled out as a recipient of the "Slim Chance Award" for reports that it caused liver damage, kidney failure, and seizures. The Healthy Weight Network has been handing out these customized awards for over twenty years now - not that that has stopped diet drug manufacturers and other quacks from churning out millions of bogus diet products. Diet pills are sort of the cockroaches of the supplement world. An important tip to keep in mind: the only way you'll get skinny by using weight-loss pills without altering your diet and exercising more is if you spend so much money on them you can't buy food. I don't know about you, but the thought of not being able to binge on assorted chocolates would not bode well for my future.

Rubber Duckie Day

Tomorrow, January 13th, is a life-changing, momentous holiday - Rubber Duckie Day. If you are in doubt of the power of the promotional rubber duckie (yes, you know that the sole reason for your bathtub enjoyment is this little guy), simply listen to its theme song once and I can guarantee you will not be able to get it out of your head, perhaps for the rest of your life. Why does such a common yet personalized toy have such a hold on the American psyche? Is it that addictive squeak? The world may never know.

Weirdly enough, the Rubber Duckie Song actually made the Billboard hits chart in 1970, the year it appeared on Sesame Street. While it didn't hit #1, it did make an impressive showing at #16. January 13th is supposed to be Ernie Duck's birthday, hence the holiday. If you need to know more about rubber ducks for any reason, this site has an interesting FAQ.

World Hypnotism Day

World Hypnotism Day was actually yesterday, January 4th, but don't let that stop you. Stare deep into the image above, and slowly repeat after me: "I will do whatever Zany Holidays tells me to do..."

Actually, World Hypnotism Day isn't about learning how to hypnotize others, but rather about learning how to stop your "self-limiting beliefs" from...limiting yourself? Professional hypnotists aren't very clear on this point, as they usually want you to fork over a ton of money before they share their "secrets." The official website of World Hypnotism Day offers lists of special "free and low-cost" events being held around the world to celebrate, but we recommend leaving your custom wallets at home if you attend any of these, and leaving if they start swinging any hypnotic promotional watches in your face.