Blame It On The Large Hadron Collider Day

This holiday (which I just invented) is dedicated to everyone who is terrified of the unlikely prospect that the Large Hadron Collider will destroy the world. When anything goes wrong today, feel free to blame it on the LHC! It's like a get-out-of-jail free card, except there's no jail and no card because the collider obliterated them with spaghettified gravitational collapse.

Computer running slow? Collider's fault. Tripped going up the stairs? Definitely the collider's fault. Can't find your wallet? Why don't you look inside of that super-massive world-destroying black hole the collider created? I bet it's in there.

Despite mountains of evidence justifying the safety of these experiments written by the smartest and most accomplished people on the planet, I'm pretty sure that the LHC is responsible for every problem that has occured or will occur today.

Things not going your way today? Go ahead, blame it on the Large Hadron Collider! If you'd like to get continued updates, please visit this website.